I am trying very hard not to become burnt out. I had to force myself to study tonight and I didn’t even study that long. Only about two hours. I am really struggling balancing all my homework. Pray for me. I have two weeks left of summer classes and I need the Lord’s strength to get me through the next 14 days. I probably will not ever take three summer classes again (at least not in the shortened sessions).
Besides homework and time spent in class, I’m now working and that is a bit of an adjustment. I haven’t worked outside of the home since we moved. And trying to balance my schedule so that I get everything done that I need to get done is becoming a bit overwhelming. I don’t even feel like superwoman tonight. Tonight I wanna cry (that’s the title of a Keith Urban song for you country music listeners). I seriously do want to cry. I am so thankful for this job. And since I get my work schedule a week in advance I’m able to plan accordingly, but plans don’t always go the way they are scheduled and that stresses me. If I’m going to have a plan, then I am going to stick to it (as much as possible). So this past week I’ve had a massive headache almost all week because of stress, that time of the month, homework, work, the kitchen is a mess because I haven’t been able to paint and I feel like I am not getting anything done. I hate that feeling.
Did I mention that I’m trying to make time to go to the gym? Yeah, that definitely doesn’t happen on the days that I have to work. Which is a total bummer.
Not only that but I’ve ended my vow. The first day was really weird. I don’t know how to explain it but knowing that I was “free” was a strange feeling. And I might have a guy problem… I had a class with this guy last spring and we are in class together this summer. Well, we’ve been “class-flirting”. We talk, smile and wave if we can’t actually speak to each other. He’s attractive, but I have two big problems with him. One, I don’t know where he stands with Jesus and a deep, growing relationship with the Lord is a given for me. Two, he smokes. I am not naive. I know that people do not change simply because you ask them to change. And in the past I have never considered a guy who smokes. In fact, I’ve always said that makes them very unattractive. What if I am ignoring emotions again and I am really am desperate for guy? What if I’m super paranoid about ignoring emotions and that is all I think I do (with my emotions)…. Who knows, who cares. I don’t feel desperate and I am not even considering anything beyond what I’ve just written, because he hasn’t made a move, so there’s no need for me to get my panties in a wad. He has my number (we exchanged numbers last semester) so if he’s really interested he’ll call and then I’ll decide. Oh, the reason I think he might be interested (besides the class-flirting) is his sister (who works with Anna) told A that he has been talking about me and that “he is single and ready to mingle”. I think that is a cute line. 🙂
I went to a wedding today. I love weddings. I love watching the bride and groom. They make me smile. I saw a lot of people I haven’t seen in a very long time and that was a lot of fun. I definitely wished that I felt more comfortable breakin’ it down in front of people. But I can’t stand even the thought of attention being on me. So I didn’t break any moves until I was in the car driving home. I want to dancing lessons! 🙂
Speaking of dancing, I love spending time with myself. I know that probably sounds selfish, but I don’t have to put on a front with me, myself and I, so I really, really like hanging out by myself… almost more than hanging out with other people. I will admit there are moments when I wished I had girlfriends I could call at any time and just hang out with them. Maybe one day I’ll stopped being so antisocial and actually call someone… or maybe not.
I bought a handbag. It’s more like a clutch. The dress I wore to the wedding was black and my purse was brown. I don’t like mixing those colors so I bought a small bag from Claire’s and I actually LOVE it.
Hopefully I’ll get around to cleaning my room this week. I have a new yoga video and I really want to try it out. But my room is so messy there is no way I can do yoga. It’s all clothes. Whether I wear them or not they always end up on the floor…. 😉
Well, I don’t think I have anything else to write about. I’m sorry this is so long. It’s been a while since I’ve blogged and needed to get a lot of stuff out. I know there is more I could spout about, but I won’t (not tonight anyways!). Good night.