I am back. Well, I feel like the “real” Lydia is back. The happy, go-lucky, life-lovin’ Lydia is back. I haven’t felt this way in a while. A llloooonnnnnggggg while. I love me. That sounds so stuck-up. But I think I am a cool person when I let Jesus take over my heart and mind and love me something good… and actually BELIEVE He loves me and not just this fake (*sings inside head*), “Oooohhh, Jesus loves me, because the church and my family tells me so”. Yeah, none of that in this girl. Right now, it’s just me and Jesus. And He’s loving His baby girl so fine that it makes my heart warm and melty.

I am sitting in Panera Bread Company in Macon. Joe is take the ACT and I have nothing to do but write a blog. So here I am and I’m enjoying every minute of it. I miss my myspace blogging days. Those blogs were always fun and full of life. That was back when I hadn’t forgotten Who my Savior and Lover is. Amazing how it shows in every part of your life, isn’t it?

Anyways, I love Panera because they have good food (I’m just drinking a frozen mocha right now), good smells, good looking boys come in the place (Lord, I repent!), and it reminds me of Bethany. Anything that reminds me of Bethany is a good thing.

She has a boyfriend now. His name is Ben. Bethany and Ben. B&B. Now you won’t know who I’m talking about if I write “B”. It has been the strangest thing knowing B has a boy toy. I mean, Caleb having a girl was a bit different. He and I don’t have the bonds of sisterhood. We have the bonds of siblinghood, but not the bonds of sistahhood. There is a HUGE difference. Sisters just know things. We can feel it. We need each other like we need Jesus, air and water. If your sister is gone, then part of you is gone. It’s hard to explain and for you to understand if you don’t have a sister. B having a b-toy has been hard. One, she’s not here. She isn’t coming home after dates and telling me all about it (praise the Lord she’s not because they go on dates and then spend all night talking on the phone! That boy’d be on my hater list as quick as that *snaps fingers*). I always imagined that she would be here and even after she left for college that image didn’t change. I guess it should have, but it didn’t. That and I guess I thought we’d go through it together. You know, she’d have a b-toy and I’d have a boy toy and we’d be all boy toy happy together. Yeah, not happening! Ha! I’m doing a stinkin’ vow of celibacy for crying out loud! So it’s not been easy to say the least. I’ve had a harder time than I care to admit. I mean, a much harder time. I think I’ve been looking at every guy that came my way like, “Oh, my word, he’s probably the Chosen One!” My eyes start growing wider than a cat in a dead-end alley who’s just been spooked by a ghost and my heart starts beating like a cow with the mad disease and my mind starts racing and, and, then POOF! Nothing. Boy runs, I am cure (not by choice) of my spooked-cat-mad-cow-racing disease and then I am left angry because I want to be sick, but not that kind of sick. Does that make sense?

Praise the Lord that SCMCR disease doesn’t actually exist and that He is drawing my crazy heart back where it should be! In His caring arms.

I no longer have pink eye. I woke up this morning and my eye is as white as my other eye has been. Thank You Jesus! Heaven knows I was tired of looking like an zombie(as my brothers liked to ever so faithfully remind me). I really believe the wrist and the pink eye were spiritual attacks. I can think of no other reasonable explanation for them happening. I am expecting something to happen next week. I’ve been reading and praying Eph. 6 over myself. God has blessed me with protection! Amen to that!

Yesterday and today everywhere I’ve gone I have seen some FINE men. And when I mean fine, I mean F-I-N-E, fine. Part of my vow is to not even think about marriage, or having a boyfriend, or anything like that. I have been repenting like crazy! I believe this is satan trying to get to me. I refuse to be moved in the name of Jesus Christ my Lord! So keep me in your prayers as far (some lady just walked past me and man, did she smell like a wet dog! God forgive me that was not kind.)…. uuuhhhh…. prayer. Fine men. Yeah, because God gave this girl eyes and fine men do not go unappreciated or non-admired. Keep me covered with the blood (dog lady just passed again! UGH!) of Jesus because this is a struggle (ask B and A, they know all too well!).

I need to go pee and then go pick up Joe. I hope you guys are having a very blessed day in our precious Lord’s almighty and all powerful love!