So you know that whole self-fulfilling prophecy thing? I feel like that is my life.

A friend once told me that you can’t help who you are attracted to or who you will or won’t like. My friend says you can’t control your emotions. I used to disagree with him. But I am finding more and more that it is a bit true.

What happened with CoolGuy? Nothing. After my Hate in Many Forms post we continued “talking” for a week. I kept going back and forth over whether or not I was really interested in him. It was like one day I’d totally be into him and the next I didn’t even want to talk to him because I knew it would only lead him on. I told him the next Friday exactly what I just told you (well, it was a little nicer, I think). I didn’t want to beat around the bush and leave him confused.

That week though I spent time with a guy that I have always been attracted to, and if it wasn’t for a girl he is “talking” to, I’d like him. The worse part about it is that I don’t even think she is really serious…. I mean, maybe she is. I don’t know. I do know that while I love her as a friend I also doubt her in this area. To be honest, I really wish she wasn’t in the picture.

I feel like I have good control over my emotions right now, but who knows how long that will last. As my friend Reid told me his parents told him “Especially in matters of the heart, do your best not to get drunk on your emotions.” I love this quote because it puts emotional purity into words I can really understand. Not that I’ve ever been drunk…. 🙂 But I understand because I can see how easy it is to become drunk on emotions. That is what I’m trying to avoid.

He hangs out with my family; I love that he is comfortable and even likes hanging with them. It makes my heart melt a little.
And if the mountain of laundry scares/bothers him, he hasn’t said anything. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that.
He is funny and sweet; he holds open doors; he isn’t a picky eater (I really like that in a guy); and I think he is drop-dead gorgeous.

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I hate emotions. I don’t really care for guys (in general) right now. And I really don’t even like myself at the moment.

I’ll probably hear about this from my dad and I’m prepared to live with that. But this is my blog so I can write about whatever I want.

Advertisements