Is this not the most pitiful picture you’ve ever seen? I was sobbing. I never cry unless I’m just feeling really emotional or it’s that time of the month. haha! I was feeling really emotional. I was livid. Mad. Angry. All at my little brother which only made me feel worse because when I’m mad at my siblings I then tend to get mad at myself. And I feel like the most horrible person in the world. So because I was so stinkin’ mad I left. I just got in the van and drove off.
I think I am obsessed with blogging. I was stranded on the side of the road in the rain because the running board fell partly off the van while I was driving. I tried calling Joe (one of my brother I wasn’t mad at) and RG. Neither one picked up so I started crying all over again. After searching the van for nonexistent tools I started crying again because I hate feeling like I can’t do anything. I hate feeling feeling like I am not independent (any of my siblings will tell you that is the most ridiculous thing in the world because I am beyond independent). And I hate not having the tools I need to complete a job. So I sat in the van and cried some more. Then I thought, “Wow. This will be a great thing to blog about! I need a picture!”. So I took a picture of myself and then started laughing because it was either laugh or cry. I did not want to cry.
Ha! That didn’t last long. I was parked in some person’s driveway so I decided to walk up to their house and ask if they had some tools I could borrow. I start walking and I’m weighing the worth of having tools, fixing the van and going home verses getting to this house in the middle of no where and being raped and murdered. Yes. I do think about that stuff. You would too if you were a girl by yourself. I decided I wasn’t scared and I wanted tools so I continue walking.
Can I just say I hate having cold feet. That is the close to being the number one worst feeling ever. I was wearing my Niki tennis shoes and water (because it’s been raining like mad for the past week!) starts leaking into my shoes, through my socks and on my feet. I started crying on the way back to the van. No one was home and I had just walked all the way up their stinkin’ long driveway for nothing but wet, cold feet.
Then Dad calls me. What is it about talking to your daddy that makes girls want to cry? Yeah, I started crying all over. Basically I did nothing but cry all afternoon.
Finally I get in touch with my brother and he comes to help.
But now I have a headache from being mad and crying so much. I’m cold and just want to go to bed. That’s not happening though. I will end up staying up all hours of the night if I nap because going to bed would mean a cat nap not sleeping until morning. Plus I have to cook supper.
So that was my day. I need to apologize to my brother. We were both in the wrong today… but that’s not an excuse for being so angry. Sometimes I wish I was always as sweet as people think. *sad smile* I am definitely not.